I really did think for a moment that my brain might be growing. Well, one part of my head was certainly swollen. And the scalp was red. And hot.
Moving was a rough experience for me, but I had two friends who helped me through it. I also learned that walking backward while carrying furniture is never a good idea. Not a horrible fall, but one that left a hole in the parking lot where my head hit it....well, at least I don't recall seeing a hole there before my head hit the surface.
Bump growing larger. Head feels like it's in a vise. Sinus headache everywhere. Mild confusion. Vertigo when I looked down. Ditzier than usual. Based on my experience with prior head injuries, my self-diagnosis: Mild concussion. Plan of Care: Sleep. No elopements. Sleep. Reducing my workload (that hurt the workaholic node of my things that are bad for me zone). Sleep. Dark chocolate in moderation. Sleep so much that moderation not an issue.
Today my old head feels like the epoxy has set and I'm ready to take my brain out for a test drive. And that's what I did.
I went to church for the first time in over a month. My knee hurt, my jaw hurt, I had a mild headache, and people were nice to me. Damn it. I would have been okay if they hadn't been nice to me. After the first bucket full of tears, I realized that I missed taking my happy and stable pills many times over the past few weeks. However, I had been protected by my lovely night med, so all was not lost. I felt broken inside, but reassured that resuming my meds would help me get back to my safe zone.
Lot of paranoia right now, too. I have a roommate in my new location and, thanks to my very high stress level, hearing her in the distance becomes the seed for paranoid thoughts. And I'm hiding in my rooms (one for all my stuff and one for sleeping). I am not properly caring for myself. I have not yet used the kitchen, but I have eaten cold toaster pastries in the car. I will be extra gentle with myself and allow myself time to adjust to my new surroundings before taking any action...before running away. I am out of places to find shelter.
Not at point zero, but definitely at the lower end of the scale. Sleep. Rest. Eat. Breathe.
