Independence

Financial concerns are my current worry. I am trying very hard to not feel overwhelmed. But it's very, very difficult.

I like the work I am doing, recognize that it's probably one of the best fitting jobs I could have (short shifts, low stress, variety, lovely clients, emotionally and intellectually rewarding), but the pay is low and I'm having trouble meeting my monthly obligations. Tackling the credit card debt seems out of reach, but I can do things to reduce my current living expenses.

One of the options on the table is finding a less expensive place to live. I love where I'm living, but I'm certainly not making the most of the amenities here. The landlord is accepting the rent in two payments -- I don't want to continue that practice. I don't want to surrender my autonomy! I sent a notice to my church mailing list expressing my desire to find other housing. So far one possibility has surfaced.

My ideal living space has a buffer separating me from the hustle, bustle, and noise of the outside world. I do not want another apartment. The new space will provide me with the peace and quiet I need to regroup and prepare myself to go out into the world for work and to be with friends. It must be my sanctuary. I have always needed this type of setting, but since my diagnosis, I understand why it is so important to me.

I could cancel my internet service, but I have become so dependent upon it. Paying my bills on line, receiving email notifications, and having the ability to look at my daily bank balance have helped me avoid the financial chaos that I used to experience. I am able to make a little money writing web content. There is connection to others who share a similar life -- I never feel completely alone. I don't see myself functioning very well at a public location that offers free wifi.

All my other expenses have been pared down as much as possible. My ten year old car is beginning to need repairs and I need to take better care of it. Without my car, I would not be able to keep my job. My grocery budget is almost dangerously low. My eating habits do not support good mental or physical health. I've stretched meds as far as I dare and this expense will increase since I've decided that this has to be top priority.

Retaining my independence provides me an oasis from a world that drains me.