Yep, I'm sick with some nasty something or other. I had planned to go back to work today, but my body had other plans. Interesting thing is that once I called in sick for the rest of the week, I had a sense of calm...still queasy, but a calm queasy.
What I have to start watching for is the way that my mood influences my physical health. It wouldn't hurt to consider how my physical health influences my mood, too. Mood and physical are both cruddy right now.
Emotionally and mood wise there are several influences. I have a client who is dealing with the high probability of the death of her husband within a very short time. My oldest clients (97, 94, 91) are a constant reminder of the good and bad of aging and how their lives were all made fuller through their marriages (one of them married for the second time in her 70's!). Life is short -- my 97 year old client smiled as he agreed with that -- what a wonderful, peaceful man he is!
Physically, I'm feeling a bit drained. I shoveled snow and did a lot of physical work during the past few weeks. I have taken on new clients any time I've been asked, working six days a week. I have agreed to be on stand-by on the weekends. I feel like I am falling back into my old habit of overworking, pushing myself beyond reasonable bounds. I know where this could lead and I'm rationalizing my behavior by reminding myself of my current fiscal limitations. BUT I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE THIS CAN LEAD.
And I missed a few doses of meds -- not consecutive or the same meds. I don't think it has a large impact, but I know what a big difference those little doses make in my life.
However, yesterday I sang in the shower. It wasn't the bold, full-bodied singing that I felt like doing, but a timid, soft, comforting, non-neighbor irritating rendition of "Tomorrow." Then I did the green liquid-alcohol included cold medicine version on a friend's answering machine; it was neither timid, soft, nor comforting. Sheesh
My mind roams all over the place today. I doze off only to awaken with some strange idea -- something out of nowhere -- settled down in my mind for a long rest. I am questioning EVERY action that I've taken this year. Fortunately, the year is less than a month old! The self-doubt is strongest when I feel weakest.
My last job is in my head today. A bleak view of the future is in my head today. My doubts about reality versus my perceptions is in my head today. And maybe this is part of the reason I am physically ill. Things are festering inside me and I need to let those sores drain, dry up, and finally heal.
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