I've been fortunate in that I've been able to get at least 40 hours of work for two weeks. However, I've not been taking my meds as prescribed, but I'm only feeling a little down. Physically, the increased hours have taken their toll and I'm worn out when I get home. Then add in a series of cold, rainy days. Add in a pinch of a failed attempt at having a joyful Christmas. The final product isn't good. It can be salvaged.
Even though the sky is not falling at the moment, I do recognize that even small changes in routine are having a large impact. Not only am I not doing a good job of taking my meds, I'm also not doing a particularly good job at work. I have failed to follow through on routine tasks like clocking in on time. I have failed to be assertive with my clients and have bought into their anxiety instead of being the calm presence that they need. I have been resentful of the financial freedom of one client and the independence of another client. If I were working a 9 to 5 job, I'd be asking for a day off at this point. But I'm not and circumstances right now dictate that I work as much as possible so that I can pay basic living expenses.
I've lost perspective. I'll get it back.
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