Another thing I learned while reading my old journal is that February has consistently been a bad month for me. And I think that's still true.
I want to go to church today. Our minister is leaving in June and I don't want to miss any of his sermons. Today's sermon is on knowing when to leave and knowing when to stay. Talk about a sermon that I need to hear right now!
If I were faithfully charting my mood (I HAVE to get back on track with that!), I suspect it would show that I'm at or near the bottom. I'm a bit weepy today. Since I often cry in church and I am already weepy, I'm using that as the rationalization for not going today. I also don't have ANY clean clothes. And I still can't find a complete pair of shoes except the ones I wear for work. And, if I keep thinking, I'll come up with some more excuses.
As much as I want to hear today's sermon, I really don't feel up to it today. I don't want to think about the minister leaving -- he's been a very important reason that I've attended faithfully. I'm happy in the community, just very, very sad that we are losing our spiritual leader. It also feels like there is some feud between members -- I don't want to be around all the drama.
I've been faithfully using the GLAD light(Glorious Lumination Against Depression) and the past few days have been gloriously sunny. But my cave is safe and becoming quite womb-like (warm, dark, barely room to move around, quiet except for sound that comes through the walls from the apartments of my neighbors).
(I trekked to the closest Starbucks for excessive caffeine, discovered that the power is out in half of the town, saw the frosting on the grass, felt the crisp air, then got myself back inside!)
It's Super Bowl Sunday, but for me I think it's going to be Super Bawl Sunday; I won't fight my body's need to release the tears.
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