Cheery at Work, Gloomy at Home

I think I am an excellent caregiver because I work to make my clients' lives easier and I work to bring them a little joy with each visit.

Today's challenge is dealing with the loss of two clients -- one who relocated and one who died. Both events occurred earlier in the week, but not until today have I begun to deal with my feelings. The rest of this week was spent in taking care of my remaining clients.

One client was a 97 year old man. He was frail, but was still strong enough to get in and out of his wheelchair on his own and to operate the manual chair by himself. At the end of each visit, he said goodbye with a big smile. He taught me about how to care for a dying loved one. When his wife was terminally ill, he was her caregiver. She loved soaking in the bathtub, but was no longer able to do so. My client would help her get into the tub and hold her so that she could safely enjoy her soak. That's love. He fell, broke his hip, survived the surgery, but never came out of recovery. I will miss his smile.

The second client moved to another state. She was my very first client so I am especially sad. Her husband is in a facility and he is dying. Because this may be a very long process, his family and her family decided it was best for her to go live with her family in another state. She and her husband were both widowed and were married in their 70's. They were both so frail, but continued to try to physically take care of each other and also to maintain their independence. They reluctantly parted on their anniversary. She showed me how to be graceful and strong under adverse circumstances. I will miss her laugh. Someday I hope to have a loving relationship like theirs.

But today I grieve and light a candle for them.

On Monday I want to be cheery, helpful, and bring some joy to my clients. Today, I'm still in my cave and it's dark and cluttered and joy is absent. I will begin thinking about how I can best care for myself when these circumstances arise again. Since I enjoy working with people in their 80's and 90's, the circumstances will arise again.