I have the crud. I remembered my meds this morning, but really, really wish I could feel safe to use one of those nice, warming, soothing, relaxing, multi-symptom cold/flu jewel toned liquids that would at least put me out of my misery for a bit. Staying out of the way of my meds is more important than my physical discomfort. But that's the least of my whines today.
What I really hate is that when I'm not feeling well the "well, you know there's a way to end all of this" thoughts come up very quickly. It's a battle.
My old worries come back to haunt me. I'll die alone in this apartment and no one will even know until the coyotes start scratching at my door. (Yes, there have been some spotted in the neighborhood. An official announcement from the property manager was taped to my front door yesterday. It's a known fact that property managers take an oath to always be truthful to their tenants; ergo, the pack of wild coyotes are roaming the property, crouched behind dumpsters, waiting under the stairs... wait, I live under the stairs...watching for me to make one foolish move.) I'll become even less competent at handling my own affairs and end up broke living in the woods waiting for the coyotes to come put me out of my misery. I'll have to sell my car for a fraction of what's it's worth in order to pay for a place to rent, but I won't get enough for it and end up broke in the woods...coyotes. The trend is clear.
I'm trying everything today to reach and maintain equilibrium. It's hard. I used to think that at my core was a mad woman. Now, I think that at my core is a calm, pragmatic woman who trusts herself to make right decisions and take positive actions. Sometimes it's just harder for her to surface.
Just in case.... www.google.com: urban coyote attacks of middle aged crazy women zoloft kills coyotes?
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