Wednesday, October 26, 2011

A half step backward -- or so it feels

I did some good things for myself today.  I quit sitting in the dark and turned on the lights in my apartment.  I took my meds.  I met a friend for hot beverages and discovered delicious Mayan hot chocolate.  In an effort to avoid isolating, I went to my church's weekly community dinner and sat at a table with friends.  I mostly just picked at my food.  I felt alone.  And that's when the tears started.

I'm not sure why or if there was any trigger at all.  I just said goodnight and scooted out to my car where I sat and let the tears fall for awhile.

Now that I'm home I won't fight the crying for awhile.  I'll see what I can do to remind myself of the positive and let what happens happen.  And I'll re-read the positive messages I've received.

But right now I am hurting.

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