I decided against the Lunesta because I thought I could sleep well without it. And I did. But now I'm awake and a little agitated. Which is why I am writing again.
I'm headed uphill. There's still some pain that I can't identify, but I trust that will pass and I will eventually understand it. Up and down is how my life has been and how it will be. Maybe I've jumped in with two feet instead of wading in. Tonight no part of my life feels right. I'll examine it later this week and figure out what I can change or even whether or not anything does need to change. But I suspect that the answer will be that more is right than wrong. At least I'm not crying or experiencing racing thoughts (hmm...this paragraph seems to be the product of racing thoughts).
And the truth is that if I quit taking care of myself and don't take my meds consistently, I'll find myself back in a hole. I owe it to myself to take good care of myself.
I've moved from weepy today to almost analytical. Dehydration? There's pain, but I know it will pass and it's not as deep as it was a few days ago. The support of friends has helped reduce this rough spell and helped me step back to gain perspective.
To end on a South Pacific note, I'll sing part of the chorus of "Happy Talk": "You've got to have a dream, if you don't have a dream, how you gonna have a dream come true."
Dreams: This looks like another way to use my white board.
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