It's typical NW fall weather -- rainy and cool. Gloomy.
I know I took my meds this morning, but I don't think I ate breakfast, I know I didn't eat lunch, and I've only eaten some jello that my client offered me. I need to remedy that situation, but I don't want to eat -- no appetite, no interest whatsoever. And I know that I didn't turn on the SAD (got to rename that!)light this morning.
I'm glad that my son is coming over. He understands these dark times because he has also experienced them. My father committed suicide in October of 1999. That just adds to my seasonal gloom. I made a rescue run for my son last year about this time because he was hurting. We drove around for a few hours and he talked until he felt able to go back home. I know his visit will do me good. I hope that he is not also having a hard time.
I ache. My client was listening to classical music when I arrived and the sound of the violins triggered something. It was all I could do to keep from crying. When I went to fetch something for her there was a string quartet performing in the next room. Again, it felt like my heart was being ripped out. I don't know why it had that effect. Red River Valley makes me start sobbing and I have no idea what that is associated with either.
So I'm doing kinda better overall with mood (I think that's true), but I'm not taking care of my physical needs. I have a freelance project that I need to work on (I could really use the money, too), but I need to wait until I've released some of the hurt before I attempt any task that needs my concentration.
Tomorrow I should go work out. We'll see.
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