I'm doing a better job of using Moodscope. I think my high point was the past couple of days where my score was in the 60's. Today I am down about 20 points. And I feel like I have PMS (not possible, thank goodness!) and anyone who ventures into my apartment might feel my wrath. Definitely growly today. I'll see what tomorrow brings and check my daily score before I make any assumption about whether I'm just having a rotten day or if I am headed downward.
Today is cold and dismal. I was scheduled to work five hours, but my client asked that I be on hold for 3 of the scheduled hours. Then, they cancelled on the balance. I'll be paid for 2 hours. Another client decided that he did not need the additional care that we provided. I may have another client beginning tomorrow. But right now, I'll only get paid this week for 7 hours of work. And next week I'm only scheduled for 5 hours.
I'm moving into semi-panic mode...not really, but I am trying to figure out ways to become more aggressive in my search for employment. I enjoy what I am doing right now. It feels good to be making life a bit easier for individuals in their 80's and 90's. I think that I take good care of them and they certainly give good feelings back to me. But the pay stinks.
My son reminds me that I somehow always seem to make things work out. Maybe the trick to sorting out all of this and finding inspiration is to pretend that I still am a single mother. But this time, I am the person who receives my care. Wow.
Maybe I've scattered my energy too much by worrying about individual aspects of my situation. Why worry about housing if I don't have an income? Why worry about medical care if I don't have an income? My first priority needs to be (this will go on the white board in large friendly letters) generating an income. Eureka!
But for now, I'm going to put on my pajamas, pull the grandmother quilt around me, and just think for a while. Then sleep. I'll wake up refreshed and knowing what should be done next.
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